Positive parenting: managing anxiety in children

It’s not surprising that anxiety levels have rocketed over the past month. Childline have reported a sharp rise in the number of phone calls they are receiving, many of these to do with coronavirus.

As parents it can be difficult to know how to help, especially when you’re feeling anxious and worried yourself. So I’ve compiled a few tips. I’ve written this in mind of the current situation, but these can easily be adapted to other situations.

1. Listen to their worries

It’s important to listen to what they are concerned about. Let them lead the conversation; don’t pre-empt the questions they may ask (you’ll probably find they aren’t the questions you’re expecting). Validate their worries and fears, it is completely normal for them to be worried. There is a lot of misinformation out there on the web so check-in with your kids about what they know and correct any of the misconceptions they may have. It’s also important to not overload them with too much information.

For older children and teenagers you can also encourage them to write about it. Journaling is a great way of processing anxious thoughts. Very Well Mind have some excellent tips on how to use journaling for coping with anxiety.

2. Reassurance and Positivity

Use a calm voice when talking to your child. If they’re young they may benefit from cuddles while you talk. You’ll also find that it easier to chat about their concerns if you’re doing something else at the time. Games, colouring etc. are good choices (although games that take a lot of thinking or focusing power may derail the conversation- so UNO is out!)

It’s important to focus on the positives of the situation. Children may worry about getting sick- reassure them that most children only get mild symptoms. They may also want to know who’ll take care of them if you get sick- it might be an idea to create a list of all the people who love them and would take care of them. If you want to be creative you can use beads to make a bracelet- each bead is a person who is there to help them.

Explain about all the people who are working hard to protect us including scientists researching a vaccine all over the world, and how everybody is working together. You can even get them involved in creating a rainbow window display to think about hope for the future.

Another idea is to also get them to think about positive and funny news happening. Twinkl have a great positive news resource. Also Twinkl have some excellent other resources with 1 month free membership so worth taking a look.

Chose the time of day wisely- too close to bedtime could create more fear, so find time during the day to have these conversations. You could even set aside a time each week to talk about concerns (or more regularly if needed).

3. Include them in ways to manage their worries

Obviously there is not a lot we can do with the situation, but it’s important to help children to focus on ways they can do things. Get them involved in coming up with plans- what will you do as a family if someone does get sick? Another idea is to have a hand washing routine when you come back from a walk.

Some other ideas might be about them learning a little more about how viruses work- taking some of the confusion away and reduce fears.

Another worry or sadness for kids might be about missing out on seeing their friends- chat to their friends’ parents about setting up video calls for them. If they’ve got the same games at home their can even play a game together.

4. Focus on the things you can control

As mentioned above, there are many things we can’t control in our current situation. So it’s important to focus on what we can control instead. Here is a great image from Counseling Teacher which has some good examples (for UK substitute ‘CDC’ for ‘Public Health England’).

5. Routine

Humans respond well to habit and routine. It’s why things are bedtime routine are so important- it helps us to feel secure it what is coming next. We can’t know when schools will reopen, when social distancing measures will be lifted, when a vaccine will be made etc. But we can know when we eat dinner, what we do each morning etc. So making a routine for each day is really important!.

Twinkl (I’m not getting paid to advertise them, I just like their stuff, sorry). have some great cards for home routine. In schools kids will often have a visual timetable up in the classroom, you can always re-create one at home. If you don’t have a printer you can always write it down on paper.- if you like the visual aspect get your children to draw the images for each activity.

If it’s possible try to stick closely to what your routines were before our lives were interrupted. It’ll make it much easier when things go back to ‘normal’.

Even if you can’t have a routine that is similar to ‘normal life’, any routine for the time-being will do. Routines have been shown to reduce anxiety and stress levels, as well as give a sense of security.. Routines are also helpful in making sure you get things done. You’d think that with all the unscheduled time it’d be easier to get everything done, but it’s generally the opposite. Planning a weekly or daily routine will help you get everything done.

To create a good routine write down all the things that need to be done every day. Plan them in for the same time each day. Then think of the things that need to be done every week. Slot those in at different points during the week.

6. Relaxation and Distraction

Make sure you’re taking time away from the news. Adults and kids alike need time to relax and switch off. Kids are like sponges for absorbing information. If they’re in the room whilst you’re watching the news, be mindful that you’re children are absorbing the information you’re listening to. They may not completely understand what they’re listening to and will have less resilience to cope with what they’re hearing.

Make sure you’re taking time to do fun activities like games, going for a walk (once a day!), arts and crafts, computer games, singing and dancing to music. Whatever it is that helps you all to switch off and recharge.

You can even try some mindfulness and relaxation exercises. Belly breathing is a great starting point.